Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
