i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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