somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
last night I used snow as a chaser
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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