i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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