I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
