being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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