I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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