I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
