This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
