ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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