A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
that is very illegal...i love you.
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