sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
