Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
