C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
