her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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