I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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