I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
