I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
