Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
