it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
