youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
