Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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