btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
