White coat. Heels.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
