I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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