I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
