And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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