1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
