I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
