omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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