I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
