Tell her she can't have a vagina
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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