It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
