We're facebook friends in real life
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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