I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
