I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
