We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
