My sheets look like a crime scene.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
