so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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