I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize