Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
