Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
