I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
