i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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