She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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