He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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