If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's official drugs can't kill me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
