Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
