Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
