I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
